Havdalah #63: Demand Kim, Documentary, and Daughters

Hello all, and welcome to Havdalah #63 —

Hello, and goodbye (for a bit). The White Rose team will be taking the month of December off, except for this first newsletter. Traveling and holiday schedules (I, for example, am probably not going to have my laptop with me for more than a week, among other things) means that getting anything out without errors or delay was unlikely, so we’ve decided to give ourselves, and your inboxes, a break until 2026.

We have a guest Sidebar this month, from wonderful friend of the newsletter Nate, with meditations on parenthood and the revelations it brings. PrYSM has a series of actions for the next few days to try and forestall the illegal deportation of Demand Kim from our community, and The Womxn Project has a number of items as well. The shut down has ended, but there are still belts tightening, so check out the RI Food Bank in Mutual Aid.

Midwinter is coming, and the dark and the cold are already here. Whether or not accompanied by any holidays, take the time to hold tight to those you love, and let them know what they mean to you. Reach out a hand to those who need the help. And have a warm, sweet drink. As a treat.

Goodnight, and mind how you go —

Katherine (she / her)

PS: We’d like to hear from you! Let us know how we’re doing!

Workers and Renters: Providence General Assembly

• When: Saturday, December 6, 12:00pm and every other Saturday

• Where: 134 Mathewson Street, Providence, RI 02903

• From their Instagram:

  • Worried about Trump?

  • Want to defend our communities?

  • Want a world that works for everyone?

  • Come to the Providence General Assembly!

• Spanish, ASL interpretation and childcare available upon email request

• Masking requested and masks will be provided

• Direct questions to [email protected]

• Providence General Assembly

• Workers and Renters Website

PrYSM: Stop the Deportation of Demand Kim

• PrYSM is calling for help to stop the deportation of Demand Kim by ICE, which is trying to deport Demand based on a criminal case that literally does not exist.

• They are organizing to keep Demand home. Demand is a father, organizer, and community member who ICE is trying to deport as early as Monday December 8. ICE claims that Demand has a deportation order based on an old criminal case – but that case was thrown out in 2021. ICE has no legal basis to deport Demand, who has lived in the US since 1982.

• We know that the deportation of any of our community members is a targeted attack not just on individuals and their families, but also our entire community. Demand, who has built his whole life here in Rhode Island, deserves to stay home with his kids and family. And our community deserves to keep him home too.

• PrYSM has a set of daily actions to work to prevent this deportation:

• Saturday, December 6: Sign and Share the Petition

  • Sign the petition at bit.ly/KDHPetition and share it with five friends or family and ask them to do the same. Share widely!

• Monday, December 8: Press Conference and Instagram Live

  • PrYSM Instagram Page

• Tuesday, December 9: Phonebanking and Outreach for Rally

  • Help outreach for Demand’s check-in rally Wednesday, December 10. Make calls for PrYSM to let folks know about what’s happening and how they can act by joining the rally.

  • Keep an eye on their Instagram and Linktree for details.

• Wednesday, December 10: Rally for Demand Kim

  • Join PrYSM to rally for Demand Kim ahead of ICE’s unjust attempt to re-detain and deport him despite having no grounds to do so.

  • Location and Time TBD — keep an eye on their Instagram!

The Womxn Project December Volunteer Lobbying Meeting

• When: Monday, December 8, 6:00pm-7:15pm

• Where: 301 Harris Avenue, Unit C, Providence RI 02909; Park on Harris Avenue and walk behind the back to the main entrance.

• Want to get active with The Womxn Project at the Rhode Island State House? Learn about what lobbying is, how accessible it is, and get a schedule buddy to attend as we look at the legislative plan and ways we will use traditional and non-traditional ways to lift up important policy for the 2026 Legislative Session.

• Lobbying Meeting Event Page

The Womxn Project Panel Talk, Femmesubstantiation: ‘All Art is Political’

• When: Saturday, December 13, 6:30pm-8:00pm

• Where: 301 Harris Avenue, Unit C, Providence RI 02909; Park on Harris Avenue and walk behind the back to the main entrance.

• Join artists Abaigeal Wright and Jonathan B. Izzard for a panel talk discussing their art exhibition “Femmesubstantiation,” moderated by Professor Erin McCutcheon.

• Femmesubstantion is the inaugural exhibit at The Womxn Project Education Fund’s new home, the A|R|T Lab. TWPEF is hosting this panel talk, led by moderator  Erin McCutcheon, to go in-depth about process and ideas with artists Abaigeal Wright and Jonathan B. Izzard while placing their approach into a broader art activist culture of making.

• Femmesubstantiation Event Page

The Womxn Project Call to Actions

• Not quite an event, but the Womxn Project has provided a couple of actions to do to respond to the health and food crisis in Rhode Island:

• Call to Action #1: Help Your Neighbor! Let’s build food security for our community into our daily actions!

  • With the expanding food crisis, The Womxn Project, in partnership with the RI Food Bank, RI Food Policy Council, RI State Council of Churches, and Youth Pride, is issuing a statewide call to action, STAT!

  • Every nonprofit organization or for-profit business—from sports teams and scouting troops to art collectives and faith communities—is being asked to include a food collection at every one of their events.

  • In a recent interview with Rhode Island Public Radio, RI Food Bank Executive Director Melissa Cherney reported that nearly 40% of Rhode Islanders are experiencing food insecurity. “RI has many committed non-profit organizations. That means we have the reach and the power to make an enormous difference if we act together. This is how we show what community care really looks like.”  Jocelyn Foye, Executive Director of The Womxn Project.

  • As the smallest state in the nation, Rhode Island can prove it’s also the biggest in heart. This initiative—called “Big Table Rhode Island!”—urges organizations to normalize giving by encouraging attendees to bring canned or nonperishable goods to every meeting, practice, or event, creating a culture of consistent, everyday support for local pantries. Read more

  • Sign the pledge and start today!

• Call to Action #2: Voting Transparency: The Bodily Freedom Forever Index Questionnaires are out!

  • The Womxn Project has sent the Bodily Freedom Forever Index questionnaire to every elected official in our state, from town and city school committee or town counselors, to state reps and senators on up.

  • Through civic engagement, policy advancement, and artivism, TWP takes action to secure reproductive freedom, LGBTQ+ rights, and government transparency in Rhode Island. The BFFI is an ongoing initiative to record and report the stance of each elected official in RI on these issues to promote transparency in our elections.  

  • TWP defines "bodily freedom" as sole decision-making power over one's body, so long as those decisions do not infringe on another’s bodily autonomy.  When evaluating an official's stance on bodily freedom, TWP considers two (of many) issues: support for reproductive rights and support for LGBTQ+ equality.

  • HELP TWP get a response from your local elected officials -- have them fill out the BFFI survey sent to their emails!

• Call to Action #3: Our Rhode Island "Kavanaugh" Problem: An Anti-Democratic Nominee for Judge

  • Earlier this summer the chair of the RI Judicial Nominating Commission (JNC) stated TWP broke precedent for the amount of emails and oral testimony shared against one candidate seeking a district judge position.

  • Why? Michael McCaffrey is an anti-abortion, anti-marriage equality candidate with the separation of church and state being of no concern. After the JNC voted on him and others, they passed the recommendations on to the Governor who "taps" a few candidates, to then go to the RI Senate for a final vote.

  • Since the vote, 3 new district judges have retired making it so there are FOUR positions to fill. All the calls and attention to this from the summer is not lost.

  • We need to call our Senators and say NO to a representative that is not aligned to the majority of RI's values. Remember, there are FIVE names that were passed onto the Governor. Join us in saying no to McCaffrey-"Kavanaugh." Say yes to the four others!

ACLU Rights Explainers

• When: Up now

• Where: Online

• The ACLU just released two updated versions of their explainers about your rights when interacting with immigration agents (ICE) or the police. They have them available in 10 languages: English, Spanish, Portuguese, Cape Verdean, Haitian Creole, French, Swahili, Dari, Pashto, and Khmer.

• Read and save this material – regardless of your own immigration status – and send to friends and family! Click the link below and scroll to the bottom of the page to download PDFs that you can print, plus the ACLU posted on all their social media platforms (@riaclu) if you want to save and share online.

• If you have a specific way to distribute larger numbers of the paper copies, please email the RI ACLU at [email protected] or call them at 401-831-7171. They have a limited supply printed, but will provide as many as they are able.

• ACLU Rights Explainers

Documentary & Discussion: The Uncomfortable Truth

• When: Sunday, December 7, 1:00pm-3:00pm, and Wednesday, December 10, 6:30pm-8:00pm

• Where: Salem Family Auditorium, Barrington Public Library, 281 County Road, Barrington, RI 02806

• Join the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Committee for a screening of The Uncomfortable Truth, a documentary about the son of a civil rights hero who learns his family helped create institutional racism in America.

• There will be two showings of this film.

  • Register for the Sunday, December 7 at 1:00 pm screening HERE.

  • Register for the Wednesday, December 10 at 6:30 pm screening HERE.

• Free and open to all.

• Registration is recommended but not required.

• 2017 - 1 hr 25 min - PG13

• About the Documentary:

  • Loki Mulholland, the son of famous Civil Rights Activist, Joan Trumpauer Mulholland, grapples with his family’s deep roots in racism as he unearths his family’s history and the truth behind their slave-owning past.

The Womxn Project Maker’s Date

• When: Monday, December 15, 6:30pm-8:00pm

• Where: 301 Harris Avenue, Unit C, Providence RI 02909; Park on Harris Avenue and walk behind the back to the main entrance.

• TWP’s Executive Director Jocelyn Foye will give you a hands-on lesson towards creating art projections that really send a message! You’ll learn a little of the history of projections (starting with lanterns in the 1800s) and then break into groups to create your own large scale artivism piece.

• Classes are pay-what-you-will. All monetary proceeds will go directly towards supporting The Womxn Project Education Fund’s A|RT Lab.

• They are also accepting non-perishable food donations at every event. Find out more here.

• Ages 13+ welcome

• Space is limited to 25 people, so RSVP/Registration is required.

• Project Maker’s Date Event Page

RI Food Bank

• The Rhode Island Food Bank distributed 18.6 million pounds of food this past year, and with the SNAP benefits partially cut in March and the government shut down recently, it was sorely needed. While it feels good to drop cans or cereal in collection boxes at your work place or apartment complex, the money goes farther and feeds more people if you give it to RI Food Bank directly (they can buy wholesale! And buy fresh veggies!).

• Reoccurring donations, even if they’re a smaller amount than a one off, are often more useful because they mean the organization has a better understanding of its budget.

Donation Link for the RI Food Bank

News Round-Up: National & International

Women & Infants caregivers picket to inform the public about unsafe staffing levels and infrastructure problems (Steve Ahlquist in SteveAhlquist.news, November 24, 2025)

Tom Sgouros: Beware the sticker price (Tom Sgouros in SteveAhlquist.news, December 03, 2025)

Nine Rhode Island State Senators want to decide where and how you may protest (Steve Ahlquist in SteveAhlquist.news, December 03, 2025)

PVD Mayor Smiley draws criticism for his involvement with the right-wing "Combat Antisemitism Movement" (Steve Ahlquist in SteveAhlquist.news, December 04, 2025)

The Westerly School Committee is caught in a bigoted, Christian nationalist time loop (Steve Ahlquist in SteveAhlquist.news, December 05, 2025)

Op-Eds

Attorney General Neronha co-leads lawsuit against the Trump Administration for upending support for homeless Americans (Press Release in SteveAhlquist.news, November 27, 2025)

Attorney General Neronha, coalition sue to block unlawful SNAP eligibility guidance (Press Release in SteveAhlquist.news, November 27, 2025)

Local governments and nonprofits challenge new Trump-Vance restrictions threatening proven solutions to homelessness (ACLU Press Release in SteveAhlquist.news, December 03, 2025)

Pod Recs: It Could Happen Here

Executive Disorder: White House Weekly #44 (It Could Happen Here, December 05, 2025)

Hey gang,

Around the time you read this, my daughter will turn one year old, and Katherine let me do a Sidebar without giving me any restrictions on what it needed to be about, so if it’s ok with y’all I’m going to take this time to do a little parental navel-gazing. 

One of the biggest cliches about parenting is that nothing can really prepare you for it; that the transformation that comes upon you is so tremendous and ineffable that the best you can do is brace for it. This is misleading for a couple reasons. First, while you might become a parent pretty much immediately once your baby is born, you do not transform into one like the wolfman seeing the full moon and second, there’s actually a lot you can do to prepare for it. 

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has a great book explaining basically everything about all of the stages of pregnancy and childbirth that filled my head with all kinds of useful and gross facts months before Mara was born (ask any very new parent what meconium is. Or better yet, don’t). We read up, we took safety courses (basically anything can kill a baby and boy did that fact stress me out for about six months), we made consultation calls with our future pediatrician, we picked up the Infinite Jest-sized tome of common and uncommon baby maladies and how to identify them, we did a lot of stuff. We could have done more and I imagine lots of parents do, but at the same time going to REI is not the same as being an experienced backpacker.

Like a lot of cliches, it is trying to gesture at something true without being curious as to why it is true. Technically, I was already a parent in the early hours of the morning the night she was born, when I kept waking up on the maternity room couch with the nonfunctioning brakes that sent me sliding around in all directions anytime I reached for something, pulling the couch forward as much as I was pulling the bassinet towards me every forty five minutes or so to make sure our baby was still breathing (she was), but I had not yet been transformed. At least, not completely.

In fact it was alarming the extent to which I was very much just still me and not a much more competent or confident or well-prepared capital D Dad. Nothing highlights the extent to which there is NOT a magical transformation that takes place as when you are handed a small and squinting newborn who depends on you utterly for everything. You are still the you you have known the whole time, with all of your well known and well documented shortcomings. The newborn is as unaware of this as they are uninterested. They are fully occupied by being cold, upset, and hungry, all of which they will not be shy about letting you know is very much your problem now, too.

Mara was very hungry, those first few days. She didn’t want to change apartments which I empathize with because I also hate moving but as a result she stayed in there for another 12 days past her due date and apparently babies just keep growing in there? Like half a pound a day towards the end—feel free to do the math on your own time. As a result she came out with the appetite of a two-week old and we only had newborn food on tap to feed her, so every 45 minutes when I woke up in a panic to make sure she was still breathing, she was already up and letting us know that she was still very hungry and very upset about it.

We didn’t know what a content sleeping baby looked like until about day 2, when a nurse got her an ounce of donor breast milk from the milk bank. Josephine, who had the most delightful Nigerian accent and would always look at Mara and say “Look at her faaaaace!” every time she came in. I know, intellectually, that there are nurses who are not attentive and not good at their jobs and even harmful to their patients, but I am blessed that every nurse who has ever cared for someone I love has been an angel sent directly from heaven. I still point out Josephine’s name to Mara on her welcome poster. 

What you don’t realize during those first few days, while your every exhausted synapse is completely focused on this tiny child and their many and insistent needs, is that it’s already happening. You are becoming a parent. This is what the cliche was trying to tell you, in a clumsy game of telephone. The full moon is coming very slowly out from behind the clouds and you are about to tear off your shirt and howl with laughter at a pun that you find much funnier than you did a week ago. 

This is the thing that I have found to be true and the part that you really can’t prepare yourself for. A transformation by accretion. Love is something that you do, and to care for a new human being who needs everything from you and yours takes a lot of doing. Every diaper change, every feeding, every time trying the new hold the hearing tech taught you that gets her to calm down, you are being changed. And how could it not change you? The incredible amount of time, and resources, and care that it takes from an incredible array of people, all for one little person who just arrived.

And it does do something to you. 

Becoming a parent is like putting on the They Live glasses and seeing how much of that labor and care it took for every human being on earth to be born and grow up and be alive on this planet. Every single one of them. The woman who served you food in the school cafeteria. The guy who cut you off in traffic. The college student driving a hoverboard the wrong way down a one way street. Someone carried them for forty weeks (give or take), someone named them, someone fed them, someone cared for them. A lot of someones did. 

Nothing is more humbling to be a part of. Nothing is more infuriating than to see that labor treated as if it is worthless. 

Part of what is so gutting about reading the names of all the children killed in Gaza is the act of reading a name. Synecdoche for the love and care that each one received. For the wondering what they will be like when they grow up, for the time spent going through family records to pick out a name, for the unique perspective brought into this world and the carelessness with which it was taken away. 

It’s easy to get lost in hyperbole when you start to describe the experience, just because you are so different than you were before. It’s not like I wasn’t this angry before I had a kid, but I guess I would describe it as a different flavor now. I just want to shake people sometimes. “How dare you!” I want to scream at them, “That is someone’s child!!”

But a lot of the time they already know that. That is the other thing cliche can occlude, the more sinister thing. There are plenty of terrible people who are parents. They are handed the They Live glasses and for whatever reason—incuriosity, ego, sadism—they wave them away. “No thanks,” they reply. “The things I want to do don’t have any room for thinking about the love and labor that undergirds all human life.” Dick Cheney had kids. Trump has kids. Hell, Netanyahu has three, and at least one of them looks like they’re on track to be just as much of a piece of shit as their dad. It is easy. It is like nothing at all, to only see the light of humanity in the eyes of your own children. Or to look at all children, including your own, and see nothing in particular worth protecting.

The transformation only happens if you want it to. If you let it. And a lot of people, I guess, just… don’t. 

…

When we were getting ready for Mara to be born we realized that this was going to be such a huge and important moment in her life as well as ours, but that we would remember it and she would not, which didn’t seem fair. Not to her, but also not to the people who helped her get here. If I had tried to guess the number of people and disciplines that would be needed for our girl to have a successful coming out party, I would have undercounted no matter how generous my guess had been. So far I’ve only mentioned one nurse, Josephine, but we saw at least seven or eight over the course of our stay and they were all amazing not just to Mara but especially to my wife, who they knew was going through one of the most difficult and important things someone can do. 

The hearing tech, Emily, who tested Mara’s hearing when she was two days old, managed to get her to calm down and stop crying during a period where she was inconsolable. She actually taught me three useful infant holds for getting Mara to chill out and go to sleep. She didn’t have any kids of her own, but was the oldest of a gaggle of cousins and had a lot of practice holding infants. There was our regular OB/GYN and the weekend OB/GYN who took over Friday night, who talked us through what he called quote, “the most difficult question in all of obstetrics,” and started performing the caesarian at around 1:30 in the morning. Our doula, who drove in from Fort Worth at midnight because we thought labor was going to last a lot longer and she was at home asleep when my wife was wheeled into surgery prep. Heather, the last nurse we saw, who was clearly very busy with other things she needed to do as she waited patiently to confirm that we did indeed have Mara loaded into the car seat correctly to take her home.

A whole building, a whole discipline of people that looked around and said to themselves, I want to help people be alive. There are a lot of people like that, I think. I don’t care where they got their glasses.

Needle Drop: “Song for the Seeds”, Humbird