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- Havdalah #29: Histories, Flyers, & No Kol Nidre
Havdalah #29: Histories, Flyers, & No Kol Nidre
11 Tishrei, 5785 / October 12, 2024
White Rose RI
October 12, 2024
Hello all, and welcome to Havdalah #29 —
It’s a somber one today, but that seems appropriate. James has written a lovely and wrenching Sidebar on guilt, responsibility, and how to bear burdens. Guilt’s been on our minds at White Rose recently, and in our group chat; how to use it, how to sit with it, how it causes harm. There’s no one way to deal with it; I personally think of it as a warning light for a problem, a spur to the actions of apology, reconciliation, and personal correction, but all of us feel it, and use it, in different ways.
It’s been a hard week, and it’s unlikely to get easier; for everyone grieving, and mourning, and remembering those they’ve lost; we’re so sorry for your loss.
There’s one month left on the countdown until the election, and while I’m sure you’re as tired as I am of this election, please vote, in whatever way works best for you. Don’t forget to check out your voter registration, polling location, and early voting info here: RI Voter Info.
Goodnight, and mind how you go —
Katherine
COMMUNITY TALK: History of Migration: In the United States
When: Tuesday, October 15, 4:30pm-6:30pm
Where: AMOR Office A-101, 545 Pawtucket Avenue, Pawtucket, RI 02860
Join AMOR to talk about an important topic in Spanish. They will talk about the history of migration, the origins, the consequences, and the fight that continues today.
Contact AMOR with questions at [email protected]
Event will be in Spanish
Facebook page for History of Migration / Historia de la Migración
Breaking the Thanksgiving Myth with the Tomaquag Museum
When: Wednesday, October 16, 6:00pm-7:00pm
Where: Cross’ Mills Public Library, 4417 Old Post Road, Charlestown, RI 02813
The long-held conventions we associate with Thanksgiving are beloved traditions, particularly in New England, but with them comes an adherence to erroneous, antiquated, and even offensive beliefs about the origins of this holiday. In this presentation, explore how you can still enjoy your turkey while being historically accurate and culturally sensitive.
Electoral Process Discussions
When: Wednesday, October 23 and November 6, 4:00pm
Where: Willett Free Library, 45 Ferry Road, Saunderstown, RI 02874
This is a course on the electoral process in the United States, and will be an opportunity to learn about it through fact based, apolitical discussion.
10/23 - Electoral College and 2024 Election (State Electoral Commissions)
11/6 - Post Election Discussion
Empowered to Advocate, The Womxn Project with Rhode Island College
When: Thursday, October 24, 12:00pm
Where: Rhode Island College, 600 Mt. Pleasant Avenue, Providence, RI 02908
The Womxn Project Education Fund, Youth Pride RI and other organizations are working together to create a series of programs planned and taught by people in the state or directly in your community on how to come together to create a network of inclusion and support.
Participants will learn how to promote public policies supportive of trans, nonbinary, and gender diverse people in their local communities and the state.
Please RSVP below to be contacted about the exact location of the event.
Note: The Community Conversations are about 45 minutes with the larger programs being 2 hours.
Guest speakers: Jocelyn Foye and Ryan Fontaine
Weekly Mutual Aid Distribution with the John Brown Gun Club
Every week, folks meet at Kennedy Plaza to distribute food, hygiene supplies, harm reduction supplies, and more, usually for about 45 minutes. JBGC has been doing these weekly distributions since 2018 and helps about 30 people each week.
To make a donation, visit their mobile-friendly website that has links for direct donations, Amazon wish list, and the Etsy store where 100% of the proceeds fund mutual aid distribution.
If you have questions about the distribution or ways to donate, you can reach out to them on their Instagram (@jbmutualaid) or Twitter (@rijbgc).
If you’d like to help with distribution, the JBGC asks that you wear an N95 mask and be up to date on boosters and flu shots.
On Rosh Hashanah, I misread a line in the morning service. Then I blinked and “Praised be the One whose word is deed,” appeared in its usual place on the page, where it (of course) had been all along.
But it didn't feel like a trick of the eyes. It felt like an omen.
Praised be the One whose word is dead.
Early on, when things were horrible but before they got worse, the local chapter of Jewish Voice for Peace held a vigil for the children killed.
Or, more precisely, the children killed thus far. The children that could be identified. The children that we knew of.
Participants pulled a slip of paper out of a hat, on which was written a name and an age. Then they used a sharpie to write the name and age on the white banner JVP-RI had hung on the pedestrian bridge, wherever they could find some space. Even on a banner almost as long as the bridge itself, real estate was competitive. It was a cold day, the sun bright but having little effect on the chill.
I pulled a name, a little girl, then saw the digit across from it:
0.
My knees buckled. Lee offered their shoulder to sob on as the wind over the river blew through us.
When I finally stood to add the child’s name, I saw that the banner was a constellation of zeroes.
It was Yom Kippur today.
I began writing this piece on October 7th, 2024. I stayed off social media for the most part. I didn’t want any reminders.
The genocide has been going on nearly a century. None of this began last October. As I wrote a year ago, the attacks, no matter how we feel about them, were a foreseeable consequence of Israel’s actions. I stand by everything I said then, and believe it with even more conviction now.
Yet every time I see the date in the bottom corner of my screen, my stomach still clenches with the memory of that horrified anticipation of what was about to happen next. But none of that foreknowledge could have prepared us for the scale.
It’s true that this did not begin last year. But it’s also true that last year, we did not yet know how ugly things would get.
Maybe we should have.
The Jerusalem Post published an op-ed just after Israel began its new bombing campaign: “Is Lebanon part of Israel’s promised territory?”
It was taken down within hours, but I was able to read it just before it was replaced by a 404 error message. In his closing remarks, the writer lamented that the land G_d promised the Jewish people would likely not be conquered (yes, conquered) again in this lifetime, but he was optimistic that Hashem would ensure its return “soon.”
It’s clear that he envisioned this land being cleansed of its present inhabitants first.
It can always get worse.
During a White Rose RI meeting, I spiraled. This happens sometimes. It’s like a mental snare, or a feedback loop, or a skipping record. It circles and circles and circles. If I’m lucky, it’s just a repetition. If I’m not, then the snarl tightens, the signal crosses, the record scratches. Unsurprisingly, it’s usually triggered by the feeling that I’ve done something wrong.
And I did feel that I’d done something wrong, or at least, something unwise, something that had some social consequences: I’d written about Palestine in a Jewish newsletter.
I was in the middle of what I thought was taking accountability when Lee did something very unLee-like: they cut me off.
“James, this is intended with kindness, but: you have a tendency to make things about yourself that often have very little or nothing to do with you, including accepting blame that no one is assigning you, and taking responsibility no one asked you to, and in certain contexts, like right now, it’s very unproductive.”
I stopped. I breathed. And importantly, I shut up.
I listened.
How useful is guilt if you do nothing about it?
What’s the point of beating your chest if you’re not sorry?
Is the Viddui merely aping atonement but feeling no remorse?
Who besides the performer benefits from the performance?
How productive is shame if it doesn't stop a goddamn thing?
I have spent a year listening to liberal, progressive, and even leftist Jews complain that asking their position on Palestine is antisemitic. I have spent a year biting back my reflexive, provocative retort: too fucking bad.
It’s an intellectually disingenuous argument made in defense of a moral cowardice. It ignores that the mainstream position in Jewish congregational spaces is an unabashedly Zionist one. It occludes the activist contexts in which this question is asked. It abdicates the ethical responsibility that we all have to scream “not in our name.”
The suggestion that this inquiry is antisemitic is deployed cynically; the question is deflected, and the subject changed from genocide to the harm suffered by the person asked about it. But there is a willful misunderstanding, a refusal to recognize that the question is posed not because Jews have more responsibility than gentiles, but because Zionism permeates communal Jewish life in a way that gentiles do not experience.
Our synagogues, community centers, schools, organizations, clubs, families — Zionism is the basic assumption of participants in all institutions underpinning Jewish public life in the United States. Gentiles are under the illusion that there is consensus around Israel because that image is painstakingly cultivated.
Jewish non-profits will purge their staffs of anti-Zionists. Hillel leaders will push students to take “Birthright” trips or encourage them to enlist in the IDF. Hasbara will tell the world that the Diaspora is a failed community, that Israel is the only real safe haven, even while it is surrounded by “bad neighbors.”
The penalty for those Jews who attempt to shatter this facade is ostracization.
Families will disown dissenters. Rabbis and congregants will shun anti-Zionists out of their shuls. Organizations like Rhode Island Coalition for Israel will dox organizers, smear them as Hamas, put the word Jewish in scare quotes, because of course, real Jews support Israel’s right to exist, Israel’s right to defend itself, Israel’s right to reclaim the land G_d promised us.
Jewish progressives will be coy about where they stand in favor of building “big tents,” so that they may avoid unpleasant disagreements. Evangelical politicians will bugle their support for the State of Israel because in the American media landscape, this is how you signal that you love the Jews. Gentile progressives will avoid speaking about Palestine because they’ve been told it’s complicated, that it’s not their place, and of course the information is too conflicting, how can they know which sources to trust, so why research, why bother, it’s too overwhelming, too intimidating, in fact, asking about it seems to make everyone so upset, what if they say the wrong thing, better not to ask, better not to bring it up, better not to think, after all, who wants to think?
We are, Jewish and gentile, all of us responsible, and we are none of us eager to take responsibility.
It’s against this backdrop that people wish to clarify the positions of fellow organizers on Palestine. An opposition to genocide that is conditional upon the tact of those around you is not a principled opposition. It is, in fact, an indication that you see that opposition as an obligation, one that you resent. This is how we create spaces where the feelings of Jews are prioritized as of equal or even greater importance than the safety of Palestinians — because Palestinians are acutely aware of the power of that resentment.
Nate says there should be no Kol Nidre this year. I’m inclined to agree.
Why should we get to toss away the casualties of 5784 like bread into a river? Why should we be allowed to pretend we've done nothing worth repenting? Why should we be absolved of crimes we haven't stopped committing, just because a few of us strike our fists against our hearts?
The truth is this: there is no teshuvah that can repair what's been done. We are beyond any earthly pardon. The only forgiveness that can exist for us is cosmic —
If I were Hashem, I would not forgive us.
I think of the Covenant, of the One whose word is dead.
I wonder if G_d longs for a get.
“This newsletter is the three of us,” Lee continued, gentle but stern. “You didn't just go rogue and force us to publish that — if we'd had serious reservations with it, we wouldn't have run it. But we didn't, so we did.”
Katherine nodded in agreement.
“We talked about it beforehand,” Lee reminded me. “We knew the consequences. And it wasn't wrong. We agreed on it.”
I exhaled, embarrassed, but the knot loosened in my chest.
This past year I've seen us all flee from guilt while clinging to our shame like security blankets. When confession is a self-indulgence, a nominal Day of Atonement feels profane.
What would change if we shared responsibility and chose agency?
I don’t know how to say what needs saying. So I talk around its shape, like a chalk outline, in the hope that if I am descriptive enough in tracing where it is not, someone will eventually recognize what is missing:
A body.
(Leave no stones here.)
Here is how I was meant to begin this piece:
Katherine and I sit in her car. We circle through all the usual topics, while away too many hours talking outside my house. I always mean to invite her in, but always forget my manners. It’s the single digits in the AM when she’s had enough and announces she’s kicking me out.
She is Catholic and I am Jewish. This we all know. She believes and I am the most devout of atheists. We are both curious and furious and sometimes we are resigned and other times we are determined, or maybe just spiteful.
We both wrestle angels and sometimes it’s hard to know if it’s productive or just kayfabe.
I am struggling tonight. There’s a weight on my ribs and a sea in my lungs and no amount of beating my fist against my chest will dislodge the rattling guilt, the clenching shame. It will asphyxiate me from inside before it will ever release me. There is no answer.
I ask anyway.
“How do you deal with it?”
“It” being, the awareness of the evil your tradition is weaponized for. “It” being, the actions of those with whom you share a mountain. “It” being, the fear that the thing you love might be so broken that it is not just irreparable, but wholly unworthy of repair.
Katherine doesn’t even need to think about it.
“You eat a lot of crow.”
She smiles, brightly unmoved by my visible bewilderment.
“You say, yes, we did that, and it was wrong, and we're sorry. You eat crow.”
She says it the way she seems to say everything: factual, self-effacing, but unflinching. She says it with absolute conviction.
She has lived this longer than I have and she wears it better, head high and shoulders back, eyes ahead and chin defiant. Her mountain has been claimed; her pole may touch the very core of the earth. No motherfucker can kick her flag over.
An iron will, but more crucially, a grace and humility that comes before ego. The ability to bend is the only alternative to breaking.
The burden doesn’t lift, but I accept its weight. I bend with it.
Needle Drop: “You Want It Darker”, First Aid Kit (cover of Leonard Cohen)
RI General Election
As we mentioned in the intro, the RI general election is November 5th. We encourage you to make a plan to vote! You can look up your voter registration, polling location, and early voting information online: RI Voter Info
Continuing Actions for Palestine
Jewish Voice for Peace Weekly Flyering
When: Every Wednesday, 5:00pm-6:00pm
Where: Providence Train Station, 100 Gaspee Street, Providence, RI 02903
JVP RI invites all to join them in their efforts to spread the word about their work and simple actions people can take to demand an end to the genocide in Palestine. They meet on the Statehouse side of the train station.
Weekly Kaddish
When: Every Sunday, 1:00pm-1:30pm
Where: Michael Van Leesten Pedestrian Bridge, Providence, RI 02903
Jewish Voice for Peace RI and allies will be hosting a weekly gathering on Sundays to recite the Mourners Kaddish and communally grieve the Palestinians murdered by the Israeli military. You need not be Jewish to attend; all are welcome to participate.
Power Half-Hours for Gaza
When: every day, Monday through Friday, 3:00pm EST
Where: online
Jewish Voice for Peace is holding Power Half-Hours for Gaza every day — join us as we channel our fury and sorrow into collective action to stop genocide.
Ceasefire Today Toolkit
This toolkit has a variety of links, including call scripts, groups accepting donations, phone banks, petitions, and more
News Coverage
As always, especially when getting news from social media, be aware of who is sharing information and why they’re doing it.
Al Jazeera Coverage of the War on Gaza has continued to be a reliable source
Mondoweiss has also provided excellent context and deep dive pieces.
Flyers on the East Side
Over the High Holy Days, conspiracist flyers were found in Providence on the East Side, including some that promoted Holocaust denial and claims of alien mind control.
The content was, predictably, largely incoherent.
As always, if you encounter any far right flyers or leaflets, please collect them and destroy them thoroughly before disposing of them. Please do not post pictures on social media of incendiary propaganda. The far right partially relies on the backlash generated by their materials to proliferate through the Internet; sharing images of their materials, even for rage clicks, is still participating in the dissemination of their content. However, we do encourage you to reach out to Steve Ahlquist, Uprise RI, and / or our tip line at [email protected] if you do find right-wing ephemera out and about.
News Round-Up: Local
Candidates voice support for trans student policy at Barrington School Committee Forum (Steve Ahlquist, October 2, 2024)
West Warwick Town Council sends homelessness ordinance back to the drawing board (Steve Ahlquist, October 3, 2024)
Deep Dives
A History of Hezbollah (Throughline on NPR, September 26, 2024)
U.S. Jewish Institutions Are Purging Their Staffs of Anti-Zionists (Shane Burley for In These Times, October 1, 2024)
From Hurricanes to Hoaxes: The Right’s Climate Denial Playbook (Kelly Hayes in Organizing My Thoughts, October 8, 2024)
Some smoldering war over meaning (Bill Shaner in Worcester Sucks and I Love It, October 8, 2024)
Against the rise of gender critical non-fiction (Eli Cugini for Vashti Media, October 9, 2024)
Pod Recs: It Could Happen Here
Disaster Relief, Survival, & Hurricane Helene (October 2, 2024)
The Things That Helped People In Western North Carolina (October 8, 2024)
DHS’ Child Border Agents & Civilian Paramilitaries (October 9, 2024)
